They have everything, I’m so jealous.                                                                     
It becomes mind poison, eating away at our well-being, interfering with our ability to experience joy and traps us in negative thought patterns.

Why can’t I have muscles like him? Why does she have perfect skin and not me? 
We become consumed with how we look on the outside: we want more hair here and less here there, we want bigger muscles and wrinkle-free faces, we plump, pluck and polish, we inject this and eject that.

I heard she works out two hours every day, if only I had that kind of time!
We obsess about exercise and read magazines with underfed models on the cover.

She eats anything she wants and never gains an ounce!
We go on diets, count calories and compare our bodies to others.

All of these ‘she has’, ‘he has’, and ’if only I had’ cycles of comparisons can breed jealous thoughts. Poisons can seep in slowly, almost undetected and when it happens it causes damage to our bodies. Jealousy works the same way on our minds; it acts as a poison effecting our thoughts and once it seeps in it can take us down.

We experience symptoms such as unhappiness, anxiety, depression and anger. Because we think negatively, we speak negatively and when we speak negatively, we think negatively – a malicious cycle. The ‘J’ word starts popping up in our conversations. Instead of feeling excitement for someone, we feel jealous. Instead of saying to a friend,“I’m so excited you’re going to Belize”, we say,“I’m so jealous you’re going to Belize”.
‘J’ poison…toxic, dangerous, hurtful and useless.

A friend of mine shared a great example recently, so much so I doubled-over in laughter. According to Brooke, ‘the reason the grass looks greener on the other side, is because it’s fertilized with bulls..t’.
Emily Post would likely not approve of the language but without a doubt she would approve of the message.

Brooke is exactly right. The grass may seem greener on the other side because we don’t see or have any knowledge of the full picture; our mind is poisoned and fertilized with unhealthy thoughts. I don’t believe comparing ourselves to others is necessarily a bad thing as long as we do so within reason.

                It’s ok to compare ourselves to others for inspiration but not denigration.

I always wanted to play the violin (or fiddle as they say in my neck o’ the woods) and at the age of 47, I began taking lessons. Once I learned some basic skills I began to compare myself to the ease with which my instructor played. It didn’t matter to me that she began playing at the age of 4, I wanted what she had. I wanted to play like her and that thinking brought me down. I didn’t feel good about my progress, I didn’t even recognize my progress which had everything to do with me and nothing to do with her.  She continued to encourage me and laud my progress but not until I allowed her words to take hold was I finally able to rid myself of the unhealthy thinking.

I stopped wanting what she had and began to appreciate what I had,
which was the opportunity and ability to learn from an incredible person and instructor.

When we are under the influence of ‘J’ poison we see only what we want and not what we have. Poisons have antidotes and the antidote to jealousy is appreciation. When we want what we have we’ve rid the toxin from our mind-stream.

Thanks for reading,
~ Haven

Coming Soon
Traveling back in time in Granddaddy’s van
Possibility and Uncertainty: Bound by commonality, why are we afraid of one of them?