Self
in blog on 04.24.2021

The Little Blonde-haired Girl with Blue Eyes
was born a Cinderella
the one who didn’t belong
but after all the deaths the truth survived
about being the constant reminder
a little girl at fault just for being there
Lessons from the Universe
are gifts disguised as pain
growth veiled as turmoil
potential buried under angst
but you have to unwrap the packaging to see what’s inside
not everyone wants to see
you stop at the pain because opening it hurts
you stop at the turmoil because you don’t want to try
you stop at the angst because you don’t want to know why it’s there
the gifts come in packages that hurt to open
if you open the package
all the goodness inside belongs to you
if you don’t open it you stay stuck with the pain
and that belongs to you too
The Universe
she took my security
because that’s what I feared losing most
she took him too
he had just learned to drive
there is nothing friendly about friendly fire
she took the man I loved
and replaced him with a liar
who believed what he was saying
and charmed others to believe him too
she was patient as I futilely tried to fix him
and me
and us
she kept taking
relentless she took my school, my job, my pets
she took my home
I thought she had taken my future so I gave her my will
I thought that was what she wanted
and when I tried to walk through the EXIT
she closed it before I made it through
Lessons from the Universe
she was telling me
and I couldn’t hear
she was showing me
and I couldn’t see
she kept giving me the gifts wrapped in the painful packages
so I finally trusted her and started prying them open
the packaging hurt and tears fell from the
fear
pain
grief
neglect
apathy
betrayal
and repeat, repeat, repeat
but I started to understand that the packaging was just packaging
the pain on the outside wasn’t what I was finding on the inside
I decided to believe in me and it was hard
until one day it wasn’t
I started to trust in the Universe and it was hard
until one day it wasn’t
and then I reached the well deep within me
the one that she was trying to show me all along
I opened it and let out
so much light it blinded the jealous
so much strength it intimidated the weak
so much love it scared the small
so much richness the misers’ ran
so much freedom it released the pain
so much happiness it attracted more
and more
and more
all the painful packaging was just painful packaging
if you don’t open the package all you have is the pain
The Little Blonde-haired Girl with Blue Eyes
transformed from the unwanted reminder
to a kind, compassionate woman who has
a heart filled with love, a mind filled with gratitude
and the rewards from all the gifts delivered in the painful packages
and she wakes up happy