It’s okay to not know the answer to,

“Why?”

It’s okay if you don’t fit the collective suit and instead, fit your own. It’s the opposite of what the fashion industry refers to as, ‘Off the rack.’

For many of us, it’s likely the only thing that has ever actually fit – yet not on the favored rack that immediately fits like a glove, but rather something that was never actually intended to fit. Something beyond that. Beyond the rack, the thing that takes more effort to find.

I prefer those who don’t fit the proverbial suit. Perhaps those are the hearts too large to conform to the standard. The ones who aren’t so keen on what is expected.

I love the depth of people who live in the sacred space I now call home, surrounded by Mother Devine. When someone I don’t know particularly well recently learned I was about to embark on a trip and an experience that has called me for reasons I don’t understand, she shared a wisdom of words that helped it all make sense. This call to embark on this particular trip has rendered me a bit nervous, and unsure, yet curious about the growth that awaits. I was told:

We don’t know why we are called to places. But it takes courage to answer the call when it comes because those calls are rare and not meant for everyone. We don’t have to know the reason why the call came but those calls seldom go to those unwilling to answer. Maybe that part of the Earth needs acupuncture and maybe you’re the needle. Maybe you have the energy to heal part of that place, maybe it holds the energy to heal part of you. You don’t know and you don’t have to. You received the call and you answered.

I stood in awe of the words that not only resonated with me but also held wisdom that I someday want to hold. The rather random conversation enveloped me with a sense of acceptance of this tenacious call that I am answering without being able to adequately answer all the ‘why’ questions.

As I soon set out on a journey that few people seem to understand, including myself, I have retreated to the safety of my proverbial shell – at least for a moment as I prepare to respond to the call, embrace a world, and history, and an experience that knowing whatever happens, was meant to be.

Am I the needle? Am I the giver or the recipient? I don’t know. I don’t have to know. I may never know.

And that feeling of not knowing, of not having control, of complete uncertainty and total acceptance feels, to me, like

Strength and Freedom and ultimately,

Love.

~ ~ ~

Auschwitz photo courtesy of Alexey Soucho.